matauhanyearns

i woke up one day, not knowing who i was, what i was, who was i living for, and what was i ought to do next. i woke up, blanked that day, for all i know, the history of yesterday was the only thought floating on my mind.

yesterday’s memory, as i would describe it, was like a dementor – sucked all the smiling memories in me. it’s like death that i so intentionally did to myself, but ended up waking for tomorrow. it was such an unfortunate happening that led me asking myself, what worth i was right now? what was i to do next with my life? now, that this part of me that kept me holding on, has been shattered – broken to a million of pieces and can never be put back. i hit a wall. i found myself facing a dead end.

tomorrows may flow like waters on rivers, the travel take hours but when it passes, it’s memory serves only seconds to last. my life, since that moment was exactly like that. every move i make, every decision i choose, smiles may be imprinted on my face, but as daylight runs out, it seemed like those hours of smiles just does not heal the memories of yesterday. i so wanted to take everything back, what i’ve said, what i’ve done. i never thought with such foolishness, such lonesome would hit me right back.

and now, i wake up every morning having that same feeling. the feeling of having to survive such wreckage in my life, wherein i wish, i could’ve just died.

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