In a conservative country such as the Philippines, the view on pre-martial sex has been always something negative. In a typical Filipino family, talking about sexual matters is even considered a taboo and the topic initiator in a household would most probably receive reprimand or scrutiny from the parents–even when we know that the parents could also have been deviant kids during their young adulthood years.
I have a friend who lives in this uncomfortable hypocritical situation. She has 8 siblings of different ages and most of them are either adults or approaching adulthood. Sexual intercourse being an object of human interest, never slips out of their topic bucket list among the siblingry. Once their parents heard their discussions about sexual intercourse and the dominant speaker in that discussion received reprimand from their parents. It was my friend. Their parents went on a litany of things to be done before sexual intercourse and they even stated its limitations when it comes to age–that when you are as old as they are, you do not get to do it anymore because of blah blah blah about morality and shiz.
The ironic thing is that, their house helper always confides with them about the moans, groans and bed shrieks that she hears on some nights that their children aren’t at home. What would moans, groans and bed shrieks imply, ladies and gentlemen?
This just proves that the idea of Filipinos when it comes to this primordial necessity of the human race is flawedly negative. It is something always frowned on and disencouraged by our parents or by the adults in our society when in fact, they themselves do it. Parents would disregard the ideas of hypocrisy just to instill that sexual intercourse before marriage is wrong.
I acknowledge the fact that there are so many negative repercussions of pre-marital sex. One of the very apparent consequences of this forbidden act is the rising number of children who are bearing children. Pre-marital sex is also considered tantamount to the possibilities of unprotected sex. In effect, sexually transmitted infections can be acquired in the process.
But in the context of Filipino youths who are in long-term relationships with their partners, I believe that pre-marital intercourse should be at least accepted. I used the term “accepted” because number one, such activity in long-term relationships are already inevitable and number two, even such activity in long-term relationships is still considered by the idealistic individuals as something bad and immoral.
I see a major advantage and benefit of pre-marital intercourse in long-term relationships. Following common sense, long-term relationships are the kind that have the highest chances of tying the knot in the future. These couples in the future, would live their own lives and contribute to the prolonging of the human species. Following common sense again, married life is not all about procreation. It is about a mutual bond that is consisted of mutual effort, love, respect and most especially, fidelity in able to work. This is the commonly known mechanism of marriage. Unknown to many, mutual chemistry in ALL ASPECTS is also needed to keep the fire going. If a couple has stayed together for a long term, then chances are the chemistry is almost flawless. One aspect that needs chemistry too is the chemistry in bed.
Many married couples in different countries file divorces and annulments due to sexual dissatisfaction and/or sexual uncompatibility. Let me tell you that it has been statistically proven that through the years, an increasing number of women have been counting the said reasons as their rationale to terminate their marriages. So this is enough proof that men are not the only gender wanting for great sex with their partners, women too. Due to this, many families get broken and many children live in unbroken homes. Some may shrug off this fact and contend that living in a broken home is something workable. As a child development major, I beg to differ for it has been proven in many studies that children in broken homes tend to have many difficulties in growing up, social interaction and managing their own married lives in the future. The effect of broken homes and of a broken marriage is irreversible and not everyone is lucky to be able to move on and start a new life afterwards.
Given this context, I say that pre-marital sex amongst long-term relationships have major benefits. It is a way to test if two people are perfectly compatible when it comes to this department. I know many people will raise their eyebrows on this for marriage is not merely about sex. Yes, this may be true but sexual dissatisfaction is the number one cause of cheating between married couples. It is human nature to seek for better options if you are dissatisfied with something. We can see this in many aspects of daily living like food, clothing brand choice and even your shampoo choice.
Do not get me wrong, though. Pre-martial sex for long-term couples is not like a trial and you will eventually dump the person if you feel that you are sexually incompatible. It is not only a leeway for you to be able to do some spelunking and testing if you click. For me, it is a venue for you to be able to work out together as a couple and be able to come up with something that you would mutually enjoy. As you do it in perfect romantic occasions, you would be able to master each others’ preferences thus making your bond tighter and stronger.
For the religious ones who would say that pre-marital sex is putting a smear on your morality and being sinful to the Higher Power, I believe that God is more complex than your view of Him. Pre-marital sex done with the right purposes fueled by passionate and unconditional love for another person is something that even God would understand. If you believe that the Higher Being knows absolutely everything, then He would understand for He knows everything beyond the surface-level definitions of things. Besides, I think God would prefer testing the waters first before causing a family’s wreck.
But of course, every person engaging into such activity must be responsible enough to be aware of the biological consequences of intercourse, and that is procreation. For me it is justified to do it but if you are not yet married, do your best to perform protection methods that would never make your life harder.
As a member of the Filipino society or as part of the Filipino youth, what is your view on PMS?