OHMYFUCKINGGOD.

Seriously, I am THIS close to stabbing some random stranger. What the fuuuck. He couldn`t answer. WHY COULDN`T HE ANSWER? If I was in his place I would`ve given an answer in 2 seconds flat. Okay, I`m convinced that this is no longer paranoia. I HATE THIIIIS. ALL OF THIS. Thank you to those who post conversations. I am learning more and more. And you can bet that it`ll make my decisions easier for me.

I CANNOT GET OVER THIS. I SIMPLY CANNOT.

I KNEW IT. It`s either he already likes her or he`s going to like her. FUCKING FLIRT. AND OHMYGOD, HAS ANYONE NOTICED THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER? It`s how two people who share “something special” look at each other. Motherfuckingshit.

My eyeliner is smudged and I look like a fucking madman on the loose. And I have been smoking like hell. Lung cancer,anyone? I`m practically burning with RAGE.

Tell me, HOW THE *** AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST MY BOYFRIEND WHEN HE`S ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE ***?

Thank you world for completely screwing me over. I can now die,thankyouverymuch.

And to think I had a dream last night that Big Brother gave me 20 minutes with Eli cause it was our monthsary. HAHAHAHA.

TAKE NOTE: I`m laughing not cause I`m happy but cause I have lost my mind.

Now, EVERYTHING MEANS NOTHING.

Putangina. Killmenow.

JOSEF naman, how could you?

I cannot believe this. I cannot fucking believe this.

All I can say is WHAT THE ***. Seriously. I will not say mean things about that girl here, I`ll just keep them to myself. But really, what the ***. Sooper boy d mo Eli.

I can`t believe this. No, I can`t believe YOU. You`re such a disappointment. I knew that this Pbb thing would be a bad idea.

And yes, I was right.

DOESN`T SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND??

AND MAYBE IT SLIPPED HIS MIND BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND TOO.

What the ***. Putangina. Wala na. While watching that scene, I couldn`t help but cry.

Understand me, I am waiting. But I don`t exactly know if I`m waiting for something. Yun pala wala na tapos mukha nalang akong *** dito.

I don`t know how I`m supposed to feel. Up until today, I was so sure that he was mine no matter what happens inside Pbb. But now, I`m not sure about anything anymore.

Yes, maybe it`s the pain talking or the bitterness, but every word I say right now shows how I`m really feeling. Because right now, I don`t know how I feel. Here I am again, back at square one. I`m stuck in a rut and I have no idea how to get out of it. Good luck to me sleeping tonight. No, good luck to me on getting past this.

I was okay with the whole Pbb thing, I really was. Well, duh. I`m working my ass off just to promote Eli. AND TAKE NOTE: I`M NEVER NORMALLY LIKE THIS. ONLY NOOOW. And this is how he repays me?

I am hurt. I am BEYOND hurt. Hurt is an understatement. I am not being petty, believe me.

I know Eli, I know pag may dinidiskartehan siya. And we started off a as best friends. AND NOW THEY`RE “BEST FRIENDS”?? HOW THE *** AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

Now his words mean *** to me. They really do. I let him join because I trusted him and I was sure that he loved me. Now, I don`t know anymore. Well, fine. He may have my name on his arm, but really, does that mean ANYTHING AT ALL now?

I`m just frustrated,okay? I just want to let this all out. I just want to vent. I just want to be alone and cry my eyes out. I just want him back.

PUTANGINA TALAGA.

Pero to all my friends and to all my new found friends (Eli`s fans.) :

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. Your comments and text messages cheered me up. But I`m still fucked up, but nevertheless, they meant something. Sorry to those who texted tapos di ako nagreply, I`m too torn up to reply. But sooper thank you. Sa lahat ng magandang comments and sa lahat ng advices. Sa lahat din ng positive messages. I love you all for that. But right now, I just need time to think and asked myself if this is what I really want.

Jesus Christ, help me. I don`t know what the hell I want anymore. I don`t understand him. Usually, I can read his mind. But now, malabo na eh. Lahat malabo na.

*** THIS LIFE.

I thought he`d be different. UGHHHH. I don`t want to tell Peter in the end na, “sana nakinig nalang ako sayo.” I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT HE`S DIFFERENT. I DO. BUT NOW, THAT`S NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE. I am broken right now. And I need to straighten my thoughts because really, this is unacceptable to me. It really is. I may or may not eat my words after a day or two, but right now, THIS is how I feel. I FEEL SHITTY. And I have every right to throw a *** fit right now cause I hate what I`m seeing. And I hate the way I`m feeling.

And Eli, why can`t I read your mind?

WHYYYY?

I have a million questions with no answers. I want to shoot myself in the head cause I`ll be up all night asking myself, WHY.

You know I love you. Oh God, at least I THINK you know that.

This is bullshit. It really is.

But after all that`s been said and done, you know you`ll always be my number one.

I just want to escape reality. Take me away, please?

Hey there, I know it’s hard to feel like I don’t care at all.

Where you are and how you feel with these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on (and on and on and on)

Slow things down or speed them up,

Not enough or way too much, (and on and on and on)

How are you when i’m gone?

So cut my wrists and black my eyes (cut my wrists and black my eyes)

So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.

Because you killed me,

You know you do, you kill me well, you like it too and I can tell,

You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words,

I love you is all she heard,

I’ll wait for you, but I can’t wait forever.

We’ve got this from another blog, it’s a multiply account rather. Information of the source is hidden for privacy purposes

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